fuck me

just fuck off. thats what you want to hear? okay.

f
u
c
k

o
f
f


and for the other, get back into my life.
sometimes, i still need you.. come back

After

many hours of comparing and research i have come to the conclusion that

PATRICK WOLF CAN FLY

youre never going to read this

but thankyou for being here for me when nobody else is, when i cant talk about this to anyone else because of various factors. i almost forgot how much you meant, i will never forget again.

1 2 3 4 5

you're so childish! is that what you wanted to hear?

fuck off, i'm busy trying to find myself again.

i'm sick again

but it's not an actual illness this time
i'm sick of you and the other
ahfsgosdhgsohgadghdshgsojdhguodshgudhg if only i had the heart to kick people out of my life as i was saying earlier to sam
oh well.

two

so is it better to tell and hurt, or lie to save your face? i guess the answer is don't do it in the first place. i know i'm not deserving of your trust right now,
but if by chance you change your mind, you know i will not let you down.
///////////////////
how does he know..?

tired tired tired tired

edit: taken away. this wasnt meant to go here..

STICKS AND STONES CAN'T BREAK MY BONES

CAUSE I HAVE A SWISS ARMY KNIFE

why do you make up excuses?

i do too, but cmon, i'm useless.

is it nice not having to talk to me?

i suppose

i don't blog here as much as i used to
did i? can't remember
i blog other places now maaaaaaaaan
but those are seperate and oh so private.

though, dear blogspot, i will continue to pour mine love into thou now and again.
you know, like i'm doing now.
yeeeeeeeahboi.

don't talk shit, you don't know what i've been doing.

x

strip,

Strip baby strip `cause your daddy is watching
Strip baby strip just for me
Strip baby strip show your mother knows nothing
Strip baby strip Just for me, oh

Strip baby strip for the soul of your brother
Strip baby strip for his wife
Strip baby strip `cause you know she's not willing
Strip baby strip by the knife,

Strip baby strip for the soul of your mother
Strip baby strip for her life
Strip baby strip `cause you know you're worth nothing
Strip baby strip by the knife
Strip baby strip `cause your daddy is watching
Strip baby strip just for me
Strip baby strip `cause you know you're worth nothing
Strip baby strip for me, oh yeah

chuck klosterman,

And it’s not “clever lonely” (like Morrissey) or “interesting Lonely” (like Radiohead); it’s “lonely, lonely,” like the way it feels when you’re being hugged by someone and it somehow makes you sadder.

á kalla fyrir hendur af ofan til halla á myndi ekki vera nógur góður fyrir mig.

lífið er eins og a rollercoaster
Ég get ekki tekið hana aftur
vináttu sem við höfðum einu sinni
stundum Mér finnst ég hata þig
ég mun ekki vera fær um að takast,
enn þú athöfn eins og ef þú hata mig líka
Mér finnst svo einn allra tíma
Ég er mjög eftir mig hér allra
en þú virðist ekki eins og það og ég er vinstri eftir the silent stríðið hafði lokið.
Ég fór tilfinningar mínar og tilfinningar, ég hef ekkert fyrir þig sem snúa mér burt í tíma mínum þörf. Ég vona að þú skiljir að ég finnst yfirgefinn af þér og honum.

íf stökk mitt á milli hraðakstur og standa enn,
Ég veit ekki hvar ég er,
eða hvar ég mun vera á morgun.
í hvert sinn sem ég snúa frá þér,
ég er að biðja um hjálp þína.

en þú heyra aldrei mér áður,
né mun þú heyra mig í framtíðinni.

þetta Ég skil nú og verður að hafa í huga að eilífu.

boredom manifests itself in many different ways, as does creativity

but i'm definitely not calling this a work of art.

waiting

you didnt see my tears in the shower
there was water everywhere
the tears were coming out they were speaking
my feelings dropping everywhere

you almost found your way inside me
and i know theres something there
this moment has to last forever
we're standing here, we're bare

so i will remain here
i will just stay here
waiting for you here
waiting for you

you didnt see my hate and frustration
i guess you worry me for fun
its really heard to get your affection
cant you say youre really done?

i'm afraid of overreacting
and my words are sending you packing
i try, time and again
i dont want to be just friends

so i will remain here
i will just stay here
waiting for you here
waiting for you

open your eyes
look into mine
open your heart
open a mind
open your ears
give in to fears
i'm only here to love
i'm only here to love
i'm only here to love
i will remain here
i will just stay here
waiting for you here
waiting for you
waiting for you

you didnt see my tears in the shower
there was water everywhere

electric to me turn this night reflecting universal light all i knew that should be true is reality in you electric to me turn and see the universe reflecting me all i am would not be without your electricity powerlove is pulsing now and time is in reverse our love is all it takes to move the universe electric to me turn this night time will know a brighter light light of truth energy light of you light of me

i'll try anything once.

ten decisions shape your life, you'll be aware of five about. seven ways to go through school, either youre noticed or left out. seven ways to get ahead, seven reasons to drop out. when i said, "i can see me in your eyes". you said, "i can see you in my bed." its not just friendship its romance too, you like music we can dance to.

sit me down, shut me up.
i'll come down, and i'll get along with you.

there is a time when we all fail, some people take it pretty well. some take it all out on themselves, some they just take it out on friends. oh everybody plays the game, and if you don't youre called insane.
don't don't don't its not safe no more, i gotta see you one more time... since you were born in 1984.

everybody was well dressed, and everybody was a mess. six things without fail you must do, so that your woman loves just you. all of the girls played mental games, and all the guys were dressed the same.

why not try it all if you'll only remember it once?

my mumsy was right about one thing at least

you friends arent there when you need them the most. oh mummsy.

you told me that you were a genuine person

i miss the feeling of something someone i can tell everything to,
and talk to about anything.
sigh, suppose its time to look for a best friend yes? i've been by myself for far too long now, and the social skills are fading,,

lovelovex

seriously, i used to like you a lot, dude. we were closeish!
well, as close as you'd let any one of us get to you.
but now, and i have to be honest, you really fucking piss me off most of the time.
get fucked.

in the middle of the night i was sleeping sitting up, when a doctor came to tell me "enough is enough".
he brought me out into the hall, i could have sworn it was haunted, and told me something that i didnt know i wanted to hear - that there was nothing i could do to save you, the choirs gonna sing and this thing is gonna kill you. something in my throat made my next words shake, and something in the wires made the lightbulbs break. there was glass inside my feet and raining down from the ceiling, it opened up the scars that had just finished healing. it tore apart the canyon running down your femur, i thought it was beautiful (it made me a believer). and as it opened i could hear you howling from your room, but i hid out in the hall until the hurricane blew. when i reappeared and tried to give you something for the pan, you came to hating me again and just sang your refrain.
you had a new dream, it was more like a nightmare.you were just a little kid and they cu your hair, then they stuck you in machines, you came so close to dying, they should have listened, they thought that you werel ying. daddy was an asshole, he fucked you up, built the gears in your head now he greases them up. and no one paid attention when you just stopped eating,87 pounds and this all bears repeating.
tell me when you think that we became so unhappy, wearing silver rings with nobody clapping, when we moved here together we were so disappointed, sleeping out of tune with our dreams disjointed. it killed me to see you always getting rejected, byut i didnt mind the things you threw, the phones i deflected. i didnt ming you blaming me for your mistakes, i just held you in the doorframe through all of the earthquakes. but you packed up your clothes in that bag every night, and i would try to grab your ankles, what a pitiful sight.. but after over a year, i stopped trying to stop you from stomping out that door, coming back like you always do. well noones gonna fix it for us, no one can. you say that noones gonna listen, and noones understands.
so theres no open doors, and theres no way to get through, theres no other witnesses, just us two.
theres two people living in one small room from your two half families tearing at you, two ways to tell a story no one worries, two silver rings on our fingers in a hurry, two people talking inside your brain, two people believing i'm the one to blame, two different voices coming out of your mouth, while i'm too cold to care and too sick to shout.

suddenly every machine stopped at once, and th emonitors beeped the last time. hundreds of thousands of hospital beds, and all of them empty but mine. well i was lying down with my feet in the air, completely unable to move. the bed was misshaped, and awkward, and tall, and clearly intended for you. you checked yourself out when you put me to bed, and tore that old band off your wrist. but you came back to see me for a minute or less, and left me your ring in my fist. my hair started growing, my face became yours, my femur was breaking in half. the sensation was scissors and too much to scream, so instead i just started to laugh.

eeep, the only thing that sucks

about living with my sister and her husband, is if you don't eat a lot
they attack you with questions and suggestions to eat just a little more
more
more

hell no!

i dont know whats up your ass
excuse me for going through some lifechanging events and being perpetually pissed off
but i sort of just a bit cant help it and how you're acting makes me hate you more
i can't wait to get out of this place
i live in a hole and i might be moving to another hole, but at least it will be somewhere new
out with the old in with the new
be careful how you are or you just might be something that gets thrown out
get away from me
don't touch me
just like with the other i'm going to lose everything again
but quicker than i should
and thats all because of you

maybe deep down i don't mind as much as i thought i did

shiver

a painting for every face, no correction
just cover up
she can't afford to come off hard
cause she's too cold to shiver

in this coat, shes too cold to shiver

all the hands along the wall
taking time to break her fall
minds divide the heart in two
empty as the shadows walking over you

over you,
she's walking over you
breaking the fall over you
lines divide the heart in two
the shadows walking over you

picture for every place, no affection
just shut her up
she can't afford to make it hard
cause she's too cold to shiver
too cold to shiver

in this coat, she's too cold to shiver

all the eyes behind the wall
taking time to watch her crawl
broken hearts were never true
empty as the shadows walking over you

broken hearts were never true,
shadows walking over you.

mmm

juice only until friday
so far it is looking good <3 i could sip this concoction all day!
oh wait
thats exactly what i'm doing
hehe x

candyland

theres a fire in my stomach that isn't going out
as much as i puff and purr and
sitting on the couch in a nightgown of silk
i'll take in whats around me and think if
this is all that there is to my life
i want the change but at the same time i dont
i miss my old life
i miss so many things
i miss how i wasnt close to anyone
i miss not caring
i miss being a lot more carefree
i miss being trapped in a loop
a loop that to others could easily come off as boring and monotone
but to me was my life, and one i loved
now i've been thrown into a typical teenage life and i dont know what to do with myself
big change is coming soon
but i consider just sitting in my room smoking weed all day
the people i live with wouldnt bother to check on me so its not a problem
my change risks everything i know
and everything i knew
but change is inevitable and i just have to make it work, i guess.

you can leave me on the corner where you found me i'm not for sale anymore

i honestly do not have a reason for living anymore. i know i've been depressed or whatever before, but fuck. okay. lets see.

i dont have a home. by home, i dont mean house. i have one of those. i mean an environment where i can live and feel safe and happy and comfortable, even sometimes. no, i dont have a 'home'. today really took the fucking cake. my stuff gets thrown around, even things i've borrowed that arent mine. my things break. things that arent mine that i've borrowed break. screaming, fighting. imagine two sisters pretty much throwing eachother around the room. and i'm the one who gets in trouble for it.

my parents don't care. if you want an example after our little spiff my dad checks up on my sister but walks straight past my slumped over body shuddering with sobs. though i suppose thats for the best, if he had talked to me, he probably wouldve told me off. is it bad to wish you lived with people who cared?

yeah, i have friends. but i dont have a best friend. my two best friends becamse best friends with eachother a while ago. i was going to move away anyway, we wouldve split up in time so that doesn't matter. either way, my friends don't know what do with me when i'm sad anyway. when i tell how i feel to a friend of mine when i'm sad he just makes me feel worse. so fuck that. and my other close friends all have eachother, or their own little group they retire to most of the time anyway.

nothing is going my way. i'm so sick of feeling so terribly alone. i dont even have the motivation to lift up my head from the desk while i'm typing. my cheeks are swimming in a pool of my own tears here.

you can leave me on the corner where you found me i'm not for sale anymore
you can leave me on the corner where you found me i'm not for sale anymore
you can leave me on the corner where you found me i'm not for sale anymore
you can leave me on the corner where you found me i'm not for sale anymore

you can leave me on the corner where you found me i'm not for sale anymore

yes!

i really don't like you! :) dunno if you've noticed. i think you have.

hehe

i suppose its time to make new friends.

slow motion wave to my old life?

not quite out of the loop yet

roundandroundandroundandroundandroundandroundand

I

i feel what i feel and i cant help that. dont make me feel worse about things out of my control when i stayed happy for you.

gobbledigook

would you light my candle?

....what are you staring at?!

I was floating today

Ad then I hit the wall, slid down to my ass, and rolled over hyperventilating because I laughed too much. Then I looked up and Caleb was struggling to hold himself up because he was laughing so hard too.

Seriously, I think the world would be better if everyone was high all the time.

jesus.

i hope i can help him in just the right way.

this has to be my biggest sacrifice, ever... i'm risking everything to help him.
(well, almost everything.)

please, lords of the univi, LET THIS WORK OUT<3

plagued by fear,

they're putting heads in mirror-lined boxes.

again and again and

again i am sick

why am i always sick great gods of the universe? did i unleash some sort of epidemic sickness in a past life?? why couldn't you have punished me THEN instead of NOW??

i don't have the time to be sick


i have to many things to do


places to be


people to see

so take it away damn you. i'm sick of being sick.

hm

has a totally random picture you've never seen before that isn't even very sad in the slightest made you burst out into tears?

hm.

give me

some motherbitchin' tribal drum beats. seriously.

end of this worst time of my life

edit: this is gone.

i'm over it.

i realize nobody is perfect and nothing will be as i see it in my head.

but im okay with that.

transderivational

sometimes my blogs (and my words/actions/thoughts) are sort of... dramatic? or end in a really generic, common note/manner. i dont know man. maybe it was too many movies or something as a kid, but as mattt (yes three t's) explained to me, its just associative memory. transderivational memory.

"Definition: 'The process of searching back through one's stored memories and mental representations to find the reference experience from which a current behaviour or response was derived' (Dilts, 1990)." "

yeeah. so basically it means that in every action or word someone else says/does, we go back through our memory and try and find something that feels familiar to the situation to relate it back to. mattt's example; once he was standing outside while it was raining, smoking a cigarette and he felt that everything was wrong... in that time and place he was smoking the wrong kind of cigarette. he associated standing outside smoking a cigarette in the rain, with a particular sort of cig. get me?

well yeah. so if things seem a bit overplayed or odd on my parts, its probably that kicking in, wanting to make things just like how they seem in my head.

lovelovelove

i'm singing to that blackbird

unheard, all through the day; these days.


i am extremely disappointed to say the least. i realize i have to move on from these ones, sam helped me realize that. no matter how many times you SAY you're sorry, by your continued actions it is quite clear you do not mean it. too bad, i guess. but you've had multiple chances, two of you. i've also given up quite a bit for you to get nothing but a pat on the back in return. not knowing what to do is just not good enough anymore. anything is better than what you do. almost.

i'm just singing to that blackbird.

these are the moments that will remind me of you

these are the moments that will remind me of you
these are the moments that will remind me of you
these are the moments that will remind me of you
these are the moments that will remind me of you
these are the moments that will remind me of you
these are the moments that will remind me of you
these are the moments that will remind me of you
these are the moments that will remind me of you
these are the moments that will remind me of you
these are the moments that will remind me of you
these are the moments that will remind me of you
these are the moments that will remind me of you
these are the moments that will remind me of you,
and trust me,
it is not in your favour.

Oh, hay gurl,

It's Jasmine.

So I am here today to preach about raw food. I'll be all straight up with you, so DON'T EXPECT ANYTHING MORE THAN I AM OFFERINGZ ATM PLEASE. Because you simply will not get it. Anyway :D

I've been interested in the raw food lifestyle for quite a long time since I'm "one with the trees" (or would like to be) and shit. Though almost 16 years of cooked food... Yeah, it is quite a hard habit to break and I subconciously find myself chewing on something cooked and not so fresh breaking a habit I've had going on but this time I will keep to it, I promise!

I suppose I just get distracted a lot, I mean i just got accidentally distracted for about twenty minutes readong other things than writing this blog. But yeessss...

http://rawfoodrightnow.blogspot.com/2007/07/ultimate-list-of-raw-food-blogs.html

Say hello to a list of more or less every raw food blog in existance. Not really. But a big enough list anyway, hur hur!

Anyway look, the way I see things, humans were made to be herbivores. Over time of course we became omnivores... But red meat... Meh... When I look at some of those in the raw food lifestyle in comparision to just eating whatever they can get their paws on, the difference amazes me. Seriously. It's nuts. Think of your body like a car, you'd want the best and most beneficial petrol to use right? Raw food is that for people. But you have to be committed.

And I have to pay more attention to what I eat.

im sick of methamphetamine making promises she just cant keep,..

so, since i'm terribly bored, and in a meh mood, i suppose its time for "LETS BITCH ABOUT SOMEONE IN A FEW SHORT LINES/A PARAGRAPH AND LEAVE PEOPLE TO GUESS WHO THE BITCHING IS ABOUT!" time.
yaaay!

~ yeah, hi. i don't know. we are meant to be friends but you just.. annoy me.. with your presence.. this isn't working out and i feel bad for ignoring you, but if i spend time listening to you i just might punch you in the face. with a knife. also, STOP TOUCHING ME AND EVERYONE ELSE. it makes me want to curbstomp puppies. its not hate but it soon will be.

~ o hay, we used to be super close in the earlier years of highschool but these days you're just.. weird. i don't know. but as the aforementioned you annoy me. stop throwing yourself on every boy in a ten mile radius of you while you have a boyfriend, k? ... btw, what happened to us? i missed the memo.

~ when i grow up i want to be a forrester run through the moss on high heels thats what i'll do throwing out the boomerang waiting for it to come back to meoh wait this isn't bitching this is song lyrics

~ you.. i don't even know what to say. stop pretending to be latino you assyrian kient, gtfo out of my house and my room. and dont you ever jack off in that bed again. IT WAS SPOSED TO BE MY BED! but no. instead you desperately fumble through that box of porn under your bed, sadly wanking yourself off to a feeble sgh of an orgasm cos its basically a chore now and no girl wants a boy like you. and yeah. we all know about the box.

~ you left me. you left me for america and never came back, never gave me a clue if you were even still alive or not a year ago. then you just randomly start talking to me like nothings changed.. a fucking lot has changed. its a mix of love and hate. i cant figure out which..

~ yeah, hi. don't talk to your little brother about me k? don't stare at me as if i had green skin (as cool as that would be) every time i walk past you. we never were friends, never will be, and if i'm lucky you aren't doing extension english so i wont have to see your fuggers pimple infested face every day for the next two years. okay some of that was superficial but i really dont like you, which is the point of all this :)

~ we started off really awesome, but somewhere in febuary we lost it. don't insult the people i know for things they are GOOD at that you can't even do yourself, get your head out of your ass long enough to smell the fresh air and get over yourself, thankss. oh and get off of /b/. fag. i can barely stand it when you talk to me now, as rare as the occaision is. so hard not to flip out on you then block and delete you for ever and ever and

~ oh god where to BEGIN with you. we were all good in year 7, but you spread some rumours and was a total bitch. and i'm not stupid.. i knew all of your "boyfriends" were fake. i just didnt want to embarass you. though you never owned up. of course you wouldnt. you're a liar and scum. and not hot, please stop taking picture after picture of yourself. you should get your head out of your ass too. when you were gone .. oh lord that was so fun, but now that you're back.. eh.. please just don't come back to the school next year. it might make me excited to go for once.

~ i only hate you sometimes. like you said, you chose quantity over quality, and you regret it. but only sometimes.

~ so so so much of my time wasted on you.. you knew how i felt the whole time and all i got was
your worst. stop coming to me for your problems, you blew your chance buddy. i would have liked to be friends but if you cant even apologize for everything you put me through then fuck that, kay darling.



hm. more to come?

give me the worst and then again

"i've spent my last five years doing the shit that people are now copying in the charts so i'm going heavy metal...

metal

metal

hard
tiiiiiimes

ive been rehearsing with my band,

my band of genuises

generation challengers

we want to take you to a new state of mind.

we want you to leave your past behind

we want you to come join our tribe

all across the world..

you are not a slave

nobody is your master

this is not a cult...

this is not a religion

this is a revolution

you do what you want

and you do what you like

and be prepared to say

fuck you to the rest of the world

if it means you get to live your life

and i mean live your life

not just walk through it

being a passenger

be a messenger

be free

x patrick wolf ..thursday may 14th 2009 "

~thankyou.

Unfazeable

Is there anything else I can say?

?

he's safe. he's fine, for now.
but i still can't stop crying and i don't know why.

i just randomly burst into tears. god. i don't know what'll happen if anything happens to him.



ugh.

this morning

the sunrise is oh so pretty, i just wish i could be bothered taking a picture.
but i suppose if i can't be bothered taking a picture its not that pretty.
but it is. i'm just lazy.

dear world;

if i'm a bit weird lately i'm sorry. i'm just extremely stressed and a recent dream explained the most viable reason i am in such a state. i'm just pissed off, world. but don't despair, i still love you! we can still sit in my backyard and talk all night long. just not... right now. the dream also pretty much showed me how to get over this problem, and i'm not looking forward to it.. hmm how about a raincheck? i don't know whats up with me lately but please, we can be friends again, give me three months and i'll be at my best again.

love, jasminexo

oh oh oh.

my new usb is sex in electronical format.
yeah thats exceedingly lame. i dont care though. cause i have a new usb and it is very very attractiveeeeee
unlike you. most likely.

that is all.
lovelovemclovepiesxx

here we go, bitch sesssion

seriously, grow the fuck up and get the fuck out patricia, nawful and sufyan.
patricia and nawful, youre both in your fucking thirties, combined make more money than my dad and you're living with us? are you fucking serious?
and THEN you continously cry poor?
please motherfucker, if you would stop going out every weekend and spend hundreds of dollars on poker machines then you'd have money. live on the street for all i give a shit anymore, honestly.
oh and pat darling, don't fucking get shitty with me you whore, for your own mistakes. get your fucking shit together and get out of my face. i bet you later on you're going to try and have a d&m with me and whine that everyone is on your back and against you, and well.. thats because we are. seriously. GROW UP, STOP FUCKING WHINGING. lifes not fair, get the fuck used to it. nobody cares anymore.
nawful, you've always annoyed the blood out of me. i swear to god if you dare come near me and try to ask me why i made your wife mad, i'll fucking throw you into the sun. not dealing with YOUR shit, you stupid piece of it. and stop doing illegal things or i'll report you. cunt.
sufyan, you're so annoying. get the hell out of my room and get proper friends if they keep fucking pulling out on you in going out and getting an apartment.
to be honest i don't care HOW you all go, just leave!

and the rest of the human population, stop trying to use my weaknesses against me and make me feel bad in order to get something you want.
because its not going to work anymore and i'm sick of everyone too.
i miss spencer. oh my god i can't believe how much i miss spencer. i want to cry.
i'm over all of this depressive shit. i really am, i'm fed up with everything and everyone and i want zero effort put into whatever i do.
i'm not bothered with school, friends, or family. disappear

disappear
disappear
disappear.

i want to go somewhere isolated and live out the rest of my live away from everyone, oh i do.

i dont think anyone is going to read this. oh well, what the fuck ever. lets just brush it off and pretend you don't exist, k??
remember i'm a human too, i can't be your lifeboats all the fucking time. though i suppose i did bring this upon myself as much as anyone else, it was my fault of being open and nice in the first place. hahahahahhahahha not making that mistake again

heathen, heathen,

i'm not leavennn!

anyway. well, on the way home from angelicas i was thinking about stuff to write for this blog. in the church, being forced to sit through my sisters holy communion ceremony i was thinking about ze blog. on the way home, in the shower, eating breakfast at 1pm, i was thinking about what to write. in the past hour or so i've been thinking about what to write. so i open up the page and click create post, and like water down a drain.. there goes everything i spent the last 7 hours thinking about.

i have everything i want to write about deep in my chest, i can literally feel it all swirl and curl up and around the other, waiting to be converted into tangible form but i just can't do it today, and i don't know why.
~~

if you'll be my star, i'll be your sky
you can hide underneath me and come out at night
when i turn jetblack, and you show off your light,
i live to let you shine

you can skyrocket away from me,
and never come back if you
find another galaxy far from here,
with more room to fly
just leave me your stardust to remember you by

if you be my boat, i'll be your sea
a depth of pure blue just to probe curiousity
ebbing and flowing and pushed by the breeze
i live to make you free;

but you can set sail to the west if you want to
and pass the horizon til i cant even see you
far from here where the beaches are wide
just leave me your wake to remember you by.

if you'll be my star, i'll be your sky
you can hide underneath me and come out at night
when i turn jetblack, and you show off your light,
i live to let you shine

but you can skyrocket away from me,
and never come back if you
find another galaxy far from here,
with more room to fly
just leave me your stardust to remember you by

stardust; to remember you by.

myspace.com/gregoryandthehawk

hmm.

i felt you in my legs before i ever met you
and when i laid beside you for the first time i told you
i feel you in my heart and i dont even know you
and now we're saying bye, goodbye
i was nineteen, calling.
i felt you in my life before i ever thought to
and i feel the need to lay down beside you and tell you
i feel you in my heart and i dont even know you
and now we're saying bye, goodbye
i was nineteen, calling.
flew back home back to where we met,
i stayed inside i was so upset
i cooked up a plan, so good except
i was all alone, you were all i had
love you, you were all mine
love me, i was yours right?

i was yours, right?

Hmm

You ever get that feeling when all of a sudden, you loathe everyone on the fucking planet?

Yeah, hi. I'm Jasmine and I go through random spouts of burning, crushing hate.

but today

i am in such an odd mood.
i'm sleepy but the second i even think of the word, a jolt of electricity runs through my skin down to the atoms making up bone-matter, and i can feel it there too.
i'm thinking things through and reworking them in my brain. i conjure up so many images from nothing. my mind is making up memories to events that never fucking happened, and i'm believing it. i'm believing them all and fighting for their existance, though i'm unsure of that myself.
i can see myself in a few years time, in this same position. only add more old, worn and torn clothes and some weed. i tend to see weed in my future. and homelessness. hoorah for me!
not that i have anything against either. i'm sort of looking forward to such a cinematic future, the way its playing out in my head. all the time, my mind is adding items and replacing them, feeding me emotions and making everything cinematic. i was told by mattt that its technically called associative memory. add that in with random spurts of a monologue in third person running through my head, a dash of depression, sprinkles of confusion and joy and anger and you have my mind. well the emotions running through my mind, i picture my mind itself as a small child.
any problems i have are in the form of vines, strangling the child slowly but surely as the problems get worse, and the size of the vine depends on the size of the problem. the poor kid is dying and trapped
i think i fail to protect myself from feeling the bitter sadness at bringing another disappointment, if nobody has standards for you then its fine if you lose. and whatever god out there help you if i find out i've disappointed you. i'll spend forever thinking of ways to make it better again.
i feel an electricity through my toes now. its strong and jerking.
i bought a painting only yesterday, and i have come to the conclusion there is a sad sad spirit stuck inside of it. i feel really bad for it. i'm sorry sad spirit that i can't help you any more! but i don't know how to contact you! and you can stop blowing on my toes, i know you're there. as is the oher.
anyway i was thinking that i should get some sleep for once. mainly for my own benefit, mainly so i dont sleep in by accident tomorrow and i can get my art homework done. i have to be at school in seven and a half hours, or at least, be ready to leave. 7 and a half hours seems like such a short time, though its length of the day itself isn't it? close enough.
i'm on what.. omegle? and i'm talking to a girl by the name of Niome. shes lovely, though shes not letting me go and i have things to do, people to see. but i suppose i'll humor her interests for 5 minutes longer at the least, no harm in doing so i can fathom. i'm suddenly really nervous and shaky, like that feeling you get when you realize you deeply like someone. never fear, its not Niome. i'm too busy with someone else on my mind to fully commit myself to the conversation, and i feel terrible about it. ah, what can you do?

at this one moment in time, i feel like the earth is holding its breath.

bet you ten cents you could hear a pin drop a mile away.

Blogging from the outside

It's a pretty pretty night tonight, though there are no s-
Oh wait, just saw one.
I have to wish on it! You ALWAYS wish on the first star you see of a night..


Oh shit, I think the star is exploding! It's flashing different colours, and I considered the fact it might be a helicopter or a plane, but the thing is, it is much too far away to be either of those, it's not moving in any direction, and theres none of that noise and wind which tends to come with either of the two.

The dogs in the neighbourhood are now going nuts, I wonder what's going on..
It's actually really fucking creepy right now, to be perfectly honest.

xo

Visual Boy Advance

On review, that title looks like some weird Japanese gadget, but, sorry to disappoint, it's just some sweet little application that lets me play GBA games on el laptop. Fun fun fun!
Anyway I really only came on here to say that. And to tell all who will listen- er, read- to go out on the internet and google it.
I haven't been completely.. "there".. lately.. Well, you see...

Outer space is on my mind.

I would leave the Earth behind
To see the other galaxies,
To float to any world I please,
To know the secret, escape the curse,
To be one with the universe,

And…Rocket ships! (Rocket ships!)
Astronauts! (Astronauts!)
Aliens! (Aliens!)
Laser beam blaster shots!
Planets exploding,
And spaceships exploding!
Voluptuous alien vixens exploding.

And life would be fantastic in the place,
That we call outer space.

xo.

hell, hades, and mercia

i see the lights of the dawn over balconies
but not where i belong
they leave a year and a day until they say to me
see what i've become

but nothing around here is right for me
im still sick to death of change
but please dont save my life for me
i'll only change again

i could escape to the city
could escape to the city
could escape to the city

there’s far too much to know around here to tell where i am from
far too much to know around here to tell where i am from
i no longer know you, can you tell what i’ve become?

- by andrew villanelle.

i confessed my sins into the wind

and the sky lay a feather in my, mouth.

art art art, this takes up my life. mostly.
art music and emotion, i love it all. i also occaisionally love typing with no capital letters. gives such a lovely informal feel, we can get so much closer you and i. come on, kick off those socks, and come closer to the metaphorical fire that is realllllyyy the passion in our hearts.



latest picture i've done. crappy camera, and the face looks weird.
but you know, whatever. i sorta like it. its one of the longest pieces i've done in a while. <3

sleep

I hate sleep.
I think it's overrated.
Waste of time.
Unproductive.

I sit in the room-cave and hold it off for as long as I can but, hey, we all must succumb sometimes. I frequent sleep when dawn breaks, but what do I do while waiting for dawn/at least 5am? To be honest, even I can't answer that. I sit in my room enshrouded by a creative daze, blindly scribbling down images in my head, words i can see. Pondering, thinking, mulling things over like trailing your finger in circles through water.
Sleep is unsafe, unexplored, unpredictable territory. Your mind is a weapon. Though these things aren't always bad, I was never a good optimist.
Plus I hate waking up. Its such a drag.

There are a few people who looooove their downtime though;
Like BrennieDaymn dearest. Bitch loves it when hes unconcious and not moving for hours on end.

Personally, its a nightmare. But hey, you can love sleep. I'm down with that. I won't hate you. We can be friends. I love BrennieDaymn and our opinions on sleep are polar opposites. You gotta put some work in the relationship, maan. Chill. Take a second to go the extra mile. I'm totally pulling shit out of my ass for this right now but whatever, it sounds good in my head. Night creatures are always more energetic than the Early bird. So fuck yeah.

<3

Kay, so

I know that most of my blogs are negative
oh and that nobody reads them
BUT FOR ME AND MY ONE FOLLOWER *ahem, hi ivana*
I will try and be more postive kay? KAY!

I drew a self portrait today.
I seem to be naked and flying through the hair -
Also, no genitals. HOORAH!

lovelovelove

problems;

All I want to do is help all of you that I know, cherish, and respect. Regardless that helping out a friend through something rough gives me such empathy I can't help but to sit there, tired and crying, after, even when I should be happy.

What?

I want to help you all. I want to help you all and I don't want ONE of you to say "so, whats wrong with you?"

No. It is not the way it works.I feel like I need a reason to be here, mine helping others out selflessly and not getting anything back. I don't want you to continually ask me, because I don't want to tell you.


And I am not going to cave this time.

Thoughts coming through my mind

We're all talking together, though I feel like the others are driving ahead in the thought train while I'm running behind you, trying to catch up.

Patrick Wolf's voice is amazing, all the time. I'm listening to his "Afraid" cover [originally by Nico] and it's heavenly.

I fucking hate that doll across the room looking at me.

Shit. I'm looking down and from the corner of my eye it looks like the door is swinging open, yet when I look up it's back in its normal position.

Whats wrong with me?

Humanstring.. haha.. Oh God how silly and ignorant.
"My hamstring, i think i stretched it.." "What? Don't you mean your human string?"
(me, at 7, thinking my sister just called herself a pig in lieu of the ham..)

Haha, look at you draw attention to yourself. Ugh. I love you, but sometimes you make me sick.

Cluster headaches sound quite painful... Worse than childbirth and having your leg amputated without anaesthetic? Shit!


xo

Bitter,

EDIT: Nevermind. Took this down. It doesn't feel safe, this being on the interwebz.

Do the drugs there;

Cocaine, pills. I love that song.

Couples day at school today? Such a lovely burning reminder of something unrequited for the rest of us. But what are relationships for these days? All I see is two sad people coming together... And then being sad together? I thought a relationship was supposed to bring joy. This doesn't apply to all relationships, though. I saw quite a happy couple yesterday - it restored hope. But, in general... Dating is so hard these days. I wouldn't mind having someone - But I'd like it if it was easier. Everyone is so scared to come out and profess feelings these days. I had a talk with a friends mother a few weeks back -

I feel so sorry for you guys in this generation. Back in my day, it was like "Hey, I like you, do you want to go out?" "yeah sure, lets go out." Simple. Easy. But these days, its "Hey, I like you, do you want to go out?" "I like you too. But I don't want to go out." It's so confusing and completely stupid. Too many small, insignificant implications and complications which have all been blown to be massive things, when really, they should be overlooked because in the end they don't mean anything.

Fuck the confusion and expectations these days. Let's all get naked and play scrabble.

xo

Morning.

Now let's get out of our beds and face the world.

xo

And today I

went to bring it on with Angelica! And saw many lovely kiddies while I was there.
But it kind of confused me more, the whole gathering.
And oh God that little boy in front of me who passed out from alcohol; ironic seeing as this event was alcohol and drug free. Oh well.
So many people suprised me, so many kids from school I had previously held in my "Dickhead and dumb" list, being promoted to "Pretty fuckin' cool." But I did sort out some things in my head and thats good. Got over some stuff.

Tomorrow school. Great.

until then.

And then

This is what happens when I'm in a blogging mood.
I've made countless blogs over the years (ANY God out there help and bless you if you ever stumble across them), yet I stick to them for about a day or two before getting bored/forgetting them and leaving them to get lost in the thickness of the internet, hopefully before anyone sees them.
But today I said to myself, today I said (italics mean the prodding second person in my mind;)

Jasmine, today we are going to create a blog and stick to it.

Aha, but what if we have nothing to speak of?

There's always something, we just need to find it.

Stop fooling yourself. Now really. What if?

We will post whatever comes to mind, I-we-are making a commitment and we are going to stick to it. Stop giving up, stop looking down on your own ability for once in your life.

Strong doubts persist, but fine. One day though, it's going to be you and I and nobody else, and we'll see how your 'abilities' measure up then. After years of not amounting to anything, what makes you think it will ever change?

And thats about the time I lost contact. Insight to my mind, it's a great thing to question yourself isn't it?

Let's see how things turn out this time. I really need an outlet to things. I remember all those diaries I used to have, in replacement to friends. I sat all day writing in them, doodling little pictures, making magnificent stories, though as time passed so did my creativity and now I'm grasping at straws. Let's change it. I'll change it. You sit there and gauge progress.

Now hit 'start'.

xo

Jellyfish

Boneless, Brainless, Bloodless, Heartless.

Who vouches to buy me one for my birthday?

xo