i confessed my sins into the wind

and the sky lay a feather in my, mouth.

art art art, this takes up my life. mostly.
art music and emotion, i love it all. i also occaisionally love typing with no capital letters. gives such a lovely informal feel, we can get so much closer you and i. come on, kick off those socks, and come closer to the metaphorical fire that is realllllyyy the passion in our hearts.



latest picture i've done. crappy camera, and the face looks weird.
but you know, whatever. i sorta like it. its one of the longest pieces i've done in a while. <3

sleep

I hate sleep.
I think it's overrated.
Waste of time.
Unproductive.

I sit in the room-cave and hold it off for as long as I can but, hey, we all must succumb sometimes. I frequent sleep when dawn breaks, but what do I do while waiting for dawn/at least 5am? To be honest, even I can't answer that. I sit in my room enshrouded by a creative daze, blindly scribbling down images in my head, words i can see. Pondering, thinking, mulling things over like trailing your finger in circles through water.
Sleep is unsafe, unexplored, unpredictable territory. Your mind is a weapon. Though these things aren't always bad, I was never a good optimist.
Plus I hate waking up. Its such a drag.

There are a few people who looooove their downtime though;
Like BrennieDaymn dearest. Bitch loves it when hes unconcious and not moving for hours on end.

Personally, its a nightmare. But hey, you can love sleep. I'm down with that. I won't hate you. We can be friends. I love BrennieDaymn and our opinions on sleep are polar opposites. You gotta put some work in the relationship, maan. Chill. Take a second to go the extra mile. I'm totally pulling shit out of my ass for this right now but whatever, it sounds good in my head. Night creatures are always more energetic than the Early bird. So fuck yeah.

<3

Kay, so

I know that most of my blogs are negative
oh and that nobody reads them
BUT FOR ME AND MY ONE FOLLOWER *ahem, hi ivana*
I will try and be more postive kay? KAY!

I drew a self portrait today.
I seem to be naked and flying through the hair -
Also, no genitals. HOORAH!

lovelovelove

problems;

All I want to do is help all of you that I know, cherish, and respect. Regardless that helping out a friend through something rough gives me such empathy I can't help but to sit there, tired and crying, after, even when I should be happy.

What?

I want to help you all. I want to help you all and I don't want ONE of you to say "so, whats wrong with you?"

No. It is not the way it works.I feel like I need a reason to be here, mine helping others out selflessly and not getting anything back. I don't want you to continually ask me, because I don't want to tell you.


And I am not going to cave this time.

Thoughts coming through my mind

We're all talking together, though I feel like the others are driving ahead in the thought train while I'm running behind you, trying to catch up.

Patrick Wolf's voice is amazing, all the time. I'm listening to his "Afraid" cover [originally by Nico] and it's heavenly.

I fucking hate that doll across the room looking at me.

Shit. I'm looking down and from the corner of my eye it looks like the door is swinging open, yet when I look up it's back in its normal position.

Whats wrong with me?

Humanstring.. haha.. Oh God how silly and ignorant.
"My hamstring, i think i stretched it.." "What? Don't you mean your human string?"
(me, at 7, thinking my sister just called herself a pig in lieu of the ham..)

Haha, look at you draw attention to yourself. Ugh. I love you, but sometimes you make me sick.

Cluster headaches sound quite painful... Worse than childbirth and having your leg amputated without anaesthetic? Shit!


xo

Bitter,

EDIT: Nevermind. Took this down. It doesn't feel safe, this being on the interwebz.

Do the drugs there;

Cocaine, pills. I love that song.

Couples day at school today? Such a lovely burning reminder of something unrequited for the rest of us. But what are relationships for these days? All I see is two sad people coming together... And then being sad together? I thought a relationship was supposed to bring joy. This doesn't apply to all relationships, though. I saw quite a happy couple yesterday - it restored hope. But, in general... Dating is so hard these days. I wouldn't mind having someone - But I'd like it if it was easier. Everyone is so scared to come out and profess feelings these days. I had a talk with a friends mother a few weeks back -

I feel so sorry for you guys in this generation. Back in my day, it was like "Hey, I like you, do you want to go out?" "yeah sure, lets go out." Simple. Easy. But these days, its "Hey, I like you, do you want to go out?" "I like you too. But I don't want to go out." It's so confusing and completely stupid. Too many small, insignificant implications and complications which have all been blown to be massive things, when really, they should be overlooked because in the end they don't mean anything.

Fuck the confusion and expectations these days. Let's all get naked and play scrabble.

xo

Morning.

Now let's get out of our beds and face the world.

xo

And today I

went to bring it on with Angelica! And saw many lovely kiddies while I was there.
But it kind of confused me more, the whole gathering.
And oh God that little boy in front of me who passed out from alcohol; ironic seeing as this event was alcohol and drug free. Oh well.
So many people suprised me, so many kids from school I had previously held in my "Dickhead and dumb" list, being promoted to "Pretty fuckin' cool." But I did sort out some things in my head and thats good. Got over some stuff.

Tomorrow school. Great.

until then.

And then

This is what happens when I'm in a blogging mood.
I've made countless blogs over the years (ANY God out there help and bless you if you ever stumble across them), yet I stick to them for about a day or two before getting bored/forgetting them and leaving them to get lost in the thickness of the internet, hopefully before anyone sees them.
But today I said to myself, today I said (italics mean the prodding second person in my mind;)

Jasmine, today we are going to create a blog and stick to it.

Aha, but what if we have nothing to speak of?

There's always something, we just need to find it.

Stop fooling yourself. Now really. What if?

We will post whatever comes to mind, I-we-are making a commitment and we are going to stick to it. Stop giving up, stop looking down on your own ability for once in your life.

Strong doubts persist, but fine. One day though, it's going to be you and I and nobody else, and we'll see how your 'abilities' measure up then. After years of not amounting to anything, what makes you think it will ever change?

And thats about the time I lost contact. Insight to my mind, it's a great thing to question yourself isn't it?

Let's see how things turn out this time. I really need an outlet to things. I remember all those diaries I used to have, in replacement to friends. I sat all day writing in them, doodling little pictures, making magnificent stories, though as time passed so did my creativity and now I'm grasping at straws. Let's change it. I'll change it. You sit there and gauge progress.

Now hit 'start'.

xo

Jellyfish

Boneless, Brainless, Bloodless, Heartless.

Who vouches to buy me one for my birthday?

xo