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you're so childish! is that what you wanted to hear?

fuck off, i'm busy trying to find myself again.

i'm sick again

but it's not an actual illness this time
i'm sick of you and the other
ahfsgosdhgsohgadghdshgsojdhguodshgudhg if only i had the heart to kick people out of my life as i was saying earlier to sam
oh well.

two

so is it better to tell and hurt, or lie to save your face? i guess the answer is don't do it in the first place. i know i'm not deserving of your trust right now,
but if by chance you change your mind, you know i will not let you down.
///////////////////
how does he know..?

tired tired tired tired

edit: taken away. this wasnt meant to go here..

STICKS AND STONES CAN'T BREAK MY BONES

CAUSE I HAVE A SWISS ARMY KNIFE

why do you make up excuses?

i do too, but cmon, i'm useless.

is it nice not having to talk to me?

i suppose

i don't blog here as much as i used to
did i? can't remember
i blog other places now maaaaaaaaan
but those are seperate and oh so private.

though, dear blogspot, i will continue to pour mine love into thou now and again.
you know, like i'm doing now.
yeeeeeeeahboi.

don't talk shit, you don't know what i've been doing.

x

strip,

Strip baby strip `cause your daddy is watching
Strip baby strip just for me
Strip baby strip show your mother knows nothing
Strip baby strip Just for me, oh

Strip baby strip for the soul of your brother
Strip baby strip for his wife
Strip baby strip `cause you know she's not willing
Strip baby strip by the knife,

Strip baby strip for the soul of your mother
Strip baby strip for her life
Strip baby strip `cause you know you're worth nothing
Strip baby strip by the knife
Strip baby strip `cause your daddy is watching
Strip baby strip just for me
Strip baby strip `cause you know you're worth nothing
Strip baby strip for me, oh yeah

chuck klosterman,

And it’s not “clever lonely” (like Morrissey) or “interesting Lonely” (like Radiohead); it’s “lonely, lonely,” like the way it feels when you’re being hugged by someone and it somehow makes you sadder.

á kalla fyrir hendur af ofan til halla á myndi ekki vera nógur góður fyrir mig.

lífið er eins og a rollercoaster
Ég get ekki tekið hana aftur
vináttu sem við höfðum einu sinni
stundum Mér finnst ég hata þig
ég mun ekki vera fær um að takast,
enn þú athöfn eins og ef þú hata mig líka
Mér finnst svo einn allra tíma
Ég er mjög eftir mig hér allra
en þú virðist ekki eins og það og ég er vinstri eftir the silent stríðið hafði lokið.
Ég fór tilfinningar mínar og tilfinningar, ég hef ekkert fyrir þig sem snúa mér burt í tíma mínum þörf. Ég vona að þú skiljir að ég finnst yfirgefinn af þér og honum.

íf stökk mitt á milli hraðakstur og standa enn,
Ég veit ekki hvar ég er,
eða hvar ég mun vera á morgun.
í hvert sinn sem ég snúa frá þér,
ég er að biðja um hjálp þína.

en þú heyra aldrei mér áður,
né mun þú heyra mig í framtíðinni.

þetta Ég skil nú og verður að hafa í huga að eilífu.

boredom manifests itself in many different ways, as does creativity

but i'm definitely not calling this a work of art.

waiting

you didnt see my tears in the shower
there was water everywhere
the tears were coming out they were speaking
my feelings dropping everywhere

you almost found your way inside me
and i know theres something there
this moment has to last forever
we're standing here, we're bare

so i will remain here
i will just stay here
waiting for you here
waiting for you

you didnt see my hate and frustration
i guess you worry me for fun
its really heard to get your affection
cant you say youre really done?

i'm afraid of overreacting
and my words are sending you packing
i try, time and again
i dont want to be just friends

so i will remain here
i will just stay here
waiting for you here
waiting for you

open your eyes
look into mine
open your heart
open a mind
open your ears
give in to fears
i'm only here to love
i'm only here to love
i'm only here to love
i will remain here
i will just stay here
waiting for you here
waiting for you
waiting for you

you didnt see my tears in the shower
there was water everywhere

electric to me turn this night reflecting universal light all i knew that should be true is reality in you electric to me turn and see the universe reflecting me all i am would not be without your electricity powerlove is pulsing now and time is in reverse our love is all it takes to move the universe electric to me turn this night time will know a brighter light light of truth energy light of you light of me

i'll try anything once.

ten decisions shape your life, you'll be aware of five about. seven ways to go through school, either youre noticed or left out. seven ways to get ahead, seven reasons to drop out. when i said, "i can see me in your eyes". you said, "i can see you in my bed." its not just friendship its romance too, you like music we can dance to.

sit me down, shut me up.
i'll come down, and i'll get along with you.

there is a time when we all fail, some people take it pretty well. some take it all out on themselves, some they just take it out on friends. oh everybody plays the game, and if you don't youre called insane.
don't don't don't its not safe no more, i gotta see you one more time... since you were born in 1984.

everybody was well dressed, and everybody was a mess. six things without fail you must do, so that your woman loves just you. all of the girls played mental games, and all the guys were dressed the same.

why not try it all if you'll only remember it once?

my mumsy was right about one thing at least

you friends arent there when you need them the most. oh mummsy.

you told me that you were a genuine person

i miss the feeling of something someone i can tell everything to,
and talk to about anything.
sigh, suppose its time to look for a best friend yes? i've been by myself for far too long now, and the social skills are fading,,

lovelovex

seriously, i used to like you a lot, dude. we were closeish!
well, as close as you'd let any one of us get to you.
but now, and i have to be honest, you really fucking piss me off most of the time.
get fucked.

in the middle of the night i was sleeping sitting up, when a doctor came to tell me "enough is enough".
he brought me out into the hall, i could have sworn it was haunted, and told me something that i didnt know i wanted to hear - that there was nothing i could do to save you, the choirs gonna sing and this thing is gonna kill you. something in my throat made my next words shake, and something in the wires made the lightbulbs break. there was glass inside my feet and raining down from the ceiling, it opened up the scars that had just finished healing. it tore apart the canyon running down your femur, i thought it was beautiful (it made me a believer). and as it opened i could hear you howling from your room, but i hid out in the hall until the hurricane blew. when i reappeared and tried to give you something for the pan, you came to hating me again and just sang your refrain.
you had a new dream, it was more like a nightmare.you were just a little kid and they cu your hair, then they stuck you in machines, you came so close to dying, they should have listened, they thought that you werel ying. daddy was an asshole, he fucked you up, built the gears in your head now he greases them up. and no one paid attention when you just stopped eating,87 pounds and this all bears repeating.
tell me when you think that we became so unhappy, wearing silver rings with nobody clapping, when we moved here together we were so disappointed, sleeping out of tune with our dreams disjointed. it killed me to see you always getting rejected, byut i didnt mind the things you threw, the phones i deflected. i didnt ming you blaming me for your mistakes, i just held you in the doorframe through all of the earthquakes. but you packed up your clothes in that bag every night, and i would try to grab your ankles, what a pitiful sight.. but after over a year, i stopped trying to stop you from stomping out that door, coming back like you always do. well noones gonna fix it for us, no one can. you say that noones gonna listen, and noones understands.
so theres no open doors, and theres no way to get through, theres no other witnesses, just us two.
theres two people living in one small room from your two half families tearing at you, two ways to tell a story no one worries, two silver rings on our fingers in a hurry, two people talking inside your brain, two people believing i'm the one to blame, two different voices coming out of your mouth, while i'm too cold to care and too sick to shout.

suddenly every machine stopped at once, and th emonitors beeped the last time. hundreds of thousands of hospital beds, and all of them empty but mine. well i was lying down with my feet in the air, completely unable to move. the bed was misshaped, and awkward, and tall, and clearly intended for you. you checked yourself out when you put me to bed, and tore that old band off your wrist. but you came back to see me for a minute or less, and left me your ring in my fist. my hair started growing, my face became yours, my femur was breaking in half. the sensation was scissors and too much to scream, so instead i just started to laugh.

eeep, the only thing that sucks

about living with my sister and her husband, is if you don't eat a lot
they attack you with questions and suggestions to eat just a little more
more
more

hell no!

i dont know whats up your ass
excuse me for going through some lifechanging events and being perpetually pissed off
but i sort of just a bit cant help it and how you're acting makes me hate you more
i can't wait to get out of this place
i live in a hole and i might be moving to another hole, but at least it will be somewhere new
out with the old in with the new
be careful how you are or you just might be something that gets thrown out
get away from me
don't touch me
just like with the other i'm going to lose everything again
but quicker than i should
and thats all because of you

maybe deep down i don't mind as much as i thought i did

shiver

a painting for every face, no correction
just cover up
she can't afford to come off hard
cause she's too cold to shiver

in this coat, shes too cold to shiver

all the hands along the wall
taking time to break her fall
minds divide the heart in two
empty as the shadows walking over you

over you,
she's walking over you
breaking the fall over you
lines divide the heart in two
the shadows walking over you

picture for every place, no affection
just shut her up
she can't afford to make it hard
cause she's too cold to shiver
too cold to shiver

in this coat, she's too cold to shiver

all the eyes behind the wall
taking time to watch her crawl
broken hearts were never true
empty as the shadows walking over you

broken hearts were never true,
shadows walking over you.

mmm

juice only until friday
so far it is looking good <3 i could sip this concoction all day!
oh wait
thats exactly what i'm doing
hehe x

candyland

theres a fire in my stomach that isn't going out
as much as i puff and purr and
sitting on the couch in a nightgown of silk
i'll take in whats around me and think if
this is all that there is to my life
i want the change but at the same time i dont
i miss my old life
i miss so many things
i miss how i wasnt close to anyone
i miss not caring
i miss being a lot more carefree
i miss being trapped in a loop
a loop that to others could easily come off as boring and monotone
but to me was my life, and one i loved
now i've been thrown into a typical teenage life and i dont know what to do with myself
big change is coming soon
but i consider just sitting in my room smoking weed all day
the people i live with wouldnt bother to check on me so its not a problem
my change risks everything i know
and everything i knew
but change is inevitable and i just have to make it work, i guess.

you can leave me on the corner where you found me i'm not for sale anymore

i honestly do not have a reason for living anymore. i know i've been depressed or whatever before, but fuck. okay. lets see.

i dont have a home. by home, i dont mean house. i have one of those. i mean an environment where i can live and feel safe and happy and comfortable, even sometimes. no, i dont have a 'home'. today really took the fucking cake. my stuff gets thrown around, even things i've borrowed that arent mine. my things break. things that arent mine that i've borrowed break. screaming, fighting. imagine two sisters pretty much throwing eachother around the room. and i'm the one who gets in trouble for it.

my parents don't care. if you want an example after our little spiff my dad checks up on my sister but walks straight past my slumped over body shuddering with sobs. though i suppose thats for the best, if he had talked to me, he probably wouldve told me off. is it bad to wish you lived with people who cared?

yeah, i have friends. but i dont have a best friend. my two best friends becamse best friends with eachother a while ago. i was going to move away anyway, we wouldve split up in time so that doesn't matter. either way, my friends don't know what do with me when i'm sad anyway. when i tell how i feel to a friend of mine when i'm sad he just makes me feel worse. so fuck that. and my other close friends all have eachother, or their own little group they retire to most of the time anyway.

nothing is going my way. i'm so sick of feeling so terribly alone. i dont even have the motivation to lift up my head from the desk while i'm typing. my cheeks are swimming in a pool of my own tears here.

you can leave me on the corner where you found me i'm not for sale anymore
you can leave me on the corner where you found me i'm not for sale anymore
you can leave me on the corner where you found me i'm not for sale anymore
you can leave me on the corner where you found me i'm not for sale anymore

you can leave me on the corner where you found me i'm not for sale anymore

yes!

i really don't like you! :) dunno if you've noticed. i think you have.